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Al's Guardian Angel is an angel sent to Earth to show Al Bundy what life would be like if he had never been born in the season 4 episode, "It's a Bundyful Life (Part 2)".

He is played by preacher turned comedian / actor Sam Kinison.

Description[]

He appears to be a short, portly man in his late 30s, with long blonde hair, wearing a large overcoat and a grey beret. He constantly alternates between speaking calmly and yelling at the top of his lungs when explaining things to Al. Unlike most angels that are depicted in TV shows and films, he is sarcastic, vulgar and generally doesn't care about Al.

He mentions that he has an ex-wife who gained 100 pounds in weight for each year that they were married, and two children that she possibly ate. He also points out that she slept with all the men in his life, eventually causing him to terminate the life insurance and hang himself.

Background[]

While working on the Christmas lights that aren't lighting up and remembering a string of events that ruined Christmas for him, Al wishes that he was never born before being suddenly electrocuted and droping to the floor. He eventually wakes up to a person tapping his face and asking if he is ok as he picks him up from the floor. The man turns out to be Al's guardian angel. Though the angel is less than pleased when he found out that the guy he just picked up is in fact Al Bundy and screams up to the heavens, asking why did God send him to save Al instead of a better person, before sobbing on Al's chest.

The angel laments that he was hoping to save a human soul, and begins to scream again when he finds his flask is empty, leaving him with no booze to calm him down. Al seems to think that the angel is one of Peggy's insane relatives or just a crazy guy claiming to be an angel and offers to put him out of his misery with a silver bullet to the head. The angel explains that he doesn't even want to be on Earth with Al either, as he normally spends Christmas at a pool party with the biblical figure, Moses, but was caught scalping tickets to a Jimi Hendrix concert in heaven. Because of that, it was decided that helping Al would be his punishment.

Still not believed by Al, the angel asks Al what would he need to do to prove that he is in fact Al's guardian angel. Al requests the angel to fix the Christmas lights, which he does instantaneously with a snap of his fingers. Finally believing that he is an angel, he then asks the angel for more wishes and then if he could just let him have the Hee-Haw Girls instead of the lights. The angel laughs and notes that he would like that too, but unfortunately they're still alive. He sympathizes with Al for having a tough life, with a family that hates him and hoping that he won't catch some sort of foot based disease.

He then goes on to tell Al how he had it even worse than Al when he was still alive: his wife gained 100 pounds for each year that they were married and that he believes that they had two kids but she likely ate them. He hated going home to her everyday, to the point where he got vanity license plates that read "HIT ME" (implying that he wanted someone to drive straight into his car and kill him that way). Despite her telling him that she still loved him, he pointed out that she slept with his father, his brother, his bookie and even his grandfather. In the end, he got his revenge on her by cancelling his life insurance and hanging himself.

Al begins to think that the angel might be the one who needs more help than him, but the angel explains that he is really is there to help Al. By helping Al find a reason to keep living, the angel will finally get his wings (which will allow him to pick up on younger girls in heaven). To help him find his reason, the angel gives Al a glimpse of what life would have been like if he were never born and the two enter the Bundy Residence.

Upon entering the house, he notices Peggy dressed up like a traditional housewife, cooking and cleaning, much to his surprise. He tries to gleefully call her, but the angel points out that she doesn't know he's there, just like when they have sex. As he continues watching Peg working in the kitchen, Al tells the angel that Peggy told him that she is allergic to fire, but the angel sarcastically remarks that women must have just recently started using lies and sex to manipulate men into believing whatever they tell them.

Next, Bud arrives, who appears to be even more refined and reveals that he is a male feminist. He informs his mother that he came home late after defending his female schoolmates from catcalls and lamenting that men must learn to respect girls who are blossoming into womanhood. Peg then hugs him and reveals that she had breastfeed him until he was 9 years old. She also asks if he needs money, but he tells her no and that he could never accept that, as the gift of life was the greatest thing his parents gave him.

Then, Kelly, who is now a college student and dressed conservatively, arrives home, hugging and kissing her mother and "Budrick" on the cheeks. She boast that her poetry will be published in French and comments on Bud looking fabulous and how he must be attracting the women at school. He mentions that he has broken a few hearts but gained many females friends, before asking Kelly if she has remained "frigid", much to Al's disgust. She tells him that she is, saying "Pleasures of the flesh muddle the thinking!" . Peggy chimes in, boasting that, like Kelly, she saved herself for marriage, causing Al to scoff and point out how the Polk High Panthers retired her jersey number (implying that she slept with the entire team).

Al begins to wonder what type of man would marry Peggy if she wasn't putting out in the first place. Suddenly the sound of "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is heard as Norman Jablonsky, her husband in this timeline, is shown entering the house. He is greeted and hugged by his loving family, with Al wondering if Norman's kidney could be used for angel wings instead. The angel tells Al not to worry about Norman, because he will be suffering from severe stomach ulcers by the time he turns 60 years old. Unfortunately, he realizes that he had actually read Al's future. Al becomes sick as he sees the love that the family has for each other, especially when they tell Norman that they didn't need Chrisrmas gifts, because they have each other. Al then suggest that maybe they should go back to when he was conceived and watch his father invent the condom instead, but the angel tells Al that he needs to grin and bear it, since this timeline is what he asked to see in the first place.

Norman gets up and tells the family that he does have a gift for them: with the money he saved up, along with Peggy's sewing money as well, he bought them a mansion, so they no longer have to live in squalor. He then leads the family in a "Whoa Jablansky!" and they begin to hug and tell each other how much they love them. Al says that was the final straw, causing the angel to apologize, because he can't even find a solid reason to justify Al living anymore. He then laments that because he can't help Al, he won't get his wings and will be stuck driving a '78 Ford Pinto, which will not get him any ladies. He walks over and grabs Peggy's butt as a way to feel a little better about himself.

After seeing all that happened with the Jablanskys, Al delcares to his angel that he wants to live, because after all that his family put him through, he doesn't want them to be happy in a timeline without him. Excited about hearing this, he grabs Al and happily tells him that this will help him get his wings, but first he wants to do one more thing: put a box of Ding-Dongs just of his ex-wife's reach and just as she finally gets them and is about to eat it, he will turn it into his literal rotting corpse. He then moves by the door and spins himself around several times as he screams out " How do you like that, Thelma? Daddy's home for Christmas! You pig! You slut! Take a bite of this, Shamu!" eventually fading away as Al grins and gives him a thumbs up.

Later, Al wakes up back in his timeline, as his family is mad that they couldn't afford the Christmas plater at Denny's and had to settle for the Spud Hut. Al is relieved to see that Bud is more concerned about money than love, Kelly is still dumb and Peggy tells him to "Drop dead!" after he asks her to bake something. Despite his family saying that this is the worst Christmas ever, he hugs them and looks up as he hears the angel's voice once more.

The angel finally made it back to the gates of heaven, only to find out that they lost his luggage and his badge that is needed to get back in and screams out in anger again.


Appearances[]

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