At the Nudie Bar is a spoken word poem recited by Al Bundy and his fellow NO MA'AM brothers usually before they head out to a strip club or "nudie bar" such as The Jiggly Room.
Background[]
The lines typically depict what the guys see at a strip club: young women dancing and exposing their bare breasts for money, cussing, bar fights and finding a member of the Kennedy political dynasty on the floor.
Version 1[]
[Recited as Al tells his son, Bud Bundy, that he will take him to the nudie bar for his 18th birthday - "Rites of Passage" (Season 6)]
Yes, the Nudie Bar!
Where the music stinks
and they water the drinks
The Nudie Bar
Where the girls dance
in their underpants
The Nudie Bar
Where you see a butt
and their trap stays shut
At the Nudie Bar
Version 2[]
[Recited after Al and Bud survived a bar fight and return home with noticeable injuries - "Rites of Passage" (Season 6)]
[Bud]
The Nudie Bar...
[Al]
Where you can't touch a breast,
but you can cave in a chest.
At the Nudie Bar!
Where you look at a thigh
and blacken an eye
At the Nudie Bar!
Where the beer gives you gas,
but the Bundys kick ass
[Al and Bud]
At the Nudie Bar!
Version 3[]
[Recited after Al and his friends lose their bowling night and need something thing to do - "NO MA'AM" (Season 8)]
[Al]
I know where we can go!
To the last great bastion for the American, red-blooded male!
Where there is no such thing as "Ladies Night"!
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!
[Al]
Where a buck's enough
to see their stuff
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!
[Jefferson]
Where the breasts may be fake
but man, do they shake
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!
[Bob Rooney]
Where you swear like a sailor
and wish you could nail her
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!
[Al]
Where the cops are at the door
and there's a Kennedy on the floor
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!
Version 4[]
[After Griff comes to the conclusion that he would be better off not getting involved with Butter, the rest of the NO MA'AM members stop by the Bundy residence. - "I Can't Believe It's Butter" (Season 10)]
[Jefferson]
Hey, hey guys, listen, since the wives are downtown feeding Christmas dinners to the homeless,
shouldn't we be down at the Nudie Bar feeding dollars to the topless?
[Al]
Great idea. To the Nudie Bar!
[Bob Rooney]
Where Christmas is nice
[Al]
And lap dancers are half price
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!
[Ike]
Where you drink down the shooters
[Dan]
And unwrap the hooters
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!
[Jefferson]
Where eggnog’s a-plenty
[Griff]
And the girls are all twenty
[All]
At the Nudie Bar!