Beany is the cook at the diner inside Poppy's by the Tree and resident of Dumpwater, Florida. He appears on Married... with Children in the two part episode, "Poppy's by the Tree (Part 1)" and "Poppy's by the Tree (Part 2)".
He is played by actor Ian Patrick Williams.
Description[]
He appears to be a man in his 30s with messy, greying brown hair and a darker brown mustache. He looks rather disheveled, wearing a filthy white t-shirt with matching apron and pants. Despite being a line cook, he seems to lack any sort of understanding of hygiene. He also seems to be infatuated with Kelly Bundy and her white hair.
Background[]
He is first introduced as he and the townspeople sit around the diner/lobby area of the motel and comment on the Floridian heat. Roy, the front desk worker, asks the group who they they think will be the next victim of the Poppy's Killer, just as the Bundys arrive. Beany and the others nod in agreement that the Bundys will be the victims.
As the Bundys settle into their rooms, the townspeople start their lottery pool for the time that they think the Bundys' corpses will be found. Delbert, the sheriff's deputy, gets "3 a.m." and laments that was the same pick he got last time. Beany laughs and points out that they always find the bodies before that time. He then takes his ticket, revealing that he got "Midnight", making him rather excited as Roy, Delbert and the sheriff cheer him on. Roy then offers Becky a chance to play, but she refuses, believing that it is rather cruel that they're willing to bet money on when the family will be killed. Though, as soon as Roy mentions that the money has jumped up, Becky decides to join the pool.
Just as she's about to get her ticket, Kelly and Bud Bundy come downstairs forcing the townspeople to hide their tickets and cash. As the kids stop to look at an activities book, they are creeped out by townspeople who are staring and smiling at them. Beany then tells the group how bad he feels for "that poor little white haired girl" and thinks that she would be better off dying it a darker color (implying that she may be an albino). Kelly then asks Roy if they order hamburgers and he immediately calls out to Beany, who is shown scratching his armpits and nodding that he heard him. Seeing what Beany is doing, Bud asks if Roy if Beany is the actual cook and then requests a can of coke, unopened.
After Kelly decides to run off with an attractive guy, Bud is left by himself and laments that he's been left with the tree people. A moment later, Beany grabs Bud by the shoulder and informs him that his soda is ready. He then pulls out a cleaver and tells him he'll be in the back, butchering a cow for the burgers. When Bud takes a seat with his soda, Beany and the rest of the townspeople stop and stare at him. He then raises his can and says "To Dixie". He is then startled by a young girl named Gloria and he begins to flirt with her, until his parents Al Bundy and Peggy Bundy stop by and embarrass him in front of her. Al decides that he wants to do more with the family during their vacation, and calls out to Beany, addressing him as "Elmo" and requests "vittles for the family".
After Al and Peg are almost killed, the family runs to the lobby/diner area and eventually fall asleep there. The next day, Beany is shown touching Kelly's hair while the rest of the townspeople are looking at the Bundys who are asleep and huddled together. Roy expresses his disappointment about the Bundys still being alive, as it threw off their lottery. Beany then suggest that they roll it over to that evening with everyone agreeing to it. He then tries to wake up Kelly by touching her hair again, but Roy warns him that "them albinos are real skittish." Beany then tries again with Al, but Roy stops him again, warning him that Al has a fork. He resorts to using his foot to tap Al on the leg.
Later, after Al catches someone in his closet, believing it was the killer, he fights the person in the lobby where Beany and Roy are playing cards. Despite fighting the person right at their table, neither Beany nor Roy seem to care and just focus on their game. After the sheriff arrives, it is revealed that Al fought Delbert and that he was in Al's closet because he is a kleptomaniac and wanted his camera.
Eventually, as Al fights the actual killer, after he kidnapped Peg, Beany and the rest of the townspeople run up to see all the commotion. Upon arriving, as Roy wonders out loud who the killer is, the sheriff rolls the killer over and the townspeople are shocked, not because he is the actual killer; rather they are upset that Al knocked out the town icon, known as "The Man who Met Andy Griffith". As Beany, Roy, and Delbert pick the killer up and make sure that he is ok, Roy informs Al that Dumpwater is only known for two things: the killer and "The Man who Met Andy Griffith". Delbert then says that they could stand to lose one of the two, but not both. The sheriff informs the Bundys that they better leave town quickly, just before Gloria, the young girl who was interest in Bud, suggest they hang the Bundys instead for hurting their town icon. Bud then hugs his mother while Beany turns to Kelly and says out loud that he would "kinda like to keep the little white hair girl", causing her to hug her mother as well.
As the Bundys are about to leave the room, Roy asks the killer if he will still be able to talk at the high school about meeting Andy Griffith. He tells Roy and the others that he is not so sure now, since Al punched him pretty hard, causing the townspeople to look at the Bundys with hatred and contempt, forcing them to quickly flee back home to Chicago,
Appearances[]
Trivia[]
- Ian Patrick Williams, who plays Beany, later appeared on MWC in the Season 10 episode, "Al Goes to the Dogs" as Inspector Fitzpatrick.