If I Could See Me Now is the 7th episode of season 6 of Married... with Children, also the 112th overall episode in the series. Directed by Amanda Bearse, and written by Gabrielle Topping, the episode premiered on the FOX network, airing on October 27, 1991.
Summary[]
Al keeps barely avoiding minor accidents, so Bud and Kelly try to convince him to get glasses, but he keeps insisting that his vision is perfect.
Plot[]
A visible annoyed Al comes in to the house and vows to never take anyone in the family driving again, accusing Kelly and Bud of over exaggerating what happened on the road, before they both come in, with Bud's hair pointing straight up and Kelly's hair poofed up and disheveled. Bud flat out tells him to get some glasses as he nearly got them killed on the road, but Al goes on the defensive, telling them that he doesn't need glasses and to ask anyone. Kelly calls over Buck, who's hair is now like Bud's, but Al insist that his vision was checked back in the 4th grade and it was perfectly fine back then and still is today.
As the kids take a seat on the couch, Kelly asks Al if his vision is perfect then how come he missed the big sign. Al still thinks they're both exaggerating, saying it was just one sign that read "Brigenzier St." before Bud points out that it actually read "Bridge Ends Here". Kelly admits that's she was afraid to die and to die with her family would have made it more uncool for her. Al tries to point out that they didn't go too far into the river, but Kelly tells him that they were "close enough to hear the fish hacking" and pleads with him to get glasses, saying that he's getting old. Al then suggests that maybe it didn't occur to them that maybe he did "read "Bridge Ends Here" just fine and floored it anyway". He tries to prove it doesn't need glasses by asking for a copy of the TV Guide, but he struggles to read it the front cover and ends up mistaking Delta Burke for Raymond Burr, but says that he's probably not the first to make that mistake. He then asks for the remote control and Bud deliberately hands him a banana instead, causing him to wonder why its not turning on the TV. Bud and Kelly then start feeling guilty for not brining Peggy in to join in the humiliation of Al, but then they remembered they had left her in a food coma upstairs. Suddenly, Peg's voice is heard saying that she's hungry and the kids decide to go get her meal at "Cake and Cow" and Al, still struggling with the banana, tells them to bring back some batteries as well.
Jefferson comes in Kelly and Bud grab their jackets and asks them if Al is busy, but Bud points out that he's "been spending a lot of time thinking about man's ultimate place in the universe" before he is seen singing the opening theme song to The Facts of Life and then concludes that's Al is taking a break at the moment. As the kids leave, Jefferson takes a seat next to Al and suggests that they go catch a ball game, as Marcy feels that watching sports at their house would be a bad influence on their unborn child, but then points out that she's currently watching a video on Chippendale dancers. Not realizing where the control is at, Al then bends forward to change the channel directly from the TV set and then talks about how men are selective when it comes to what's on television while women will watch anything that's on. Jefferson asks Al what's on, but he says he doesn't know and Jefferson seems fine with that. Then an announcer on the TV comes on and informs that they are watching the Cuban little league game of the week and then announces a sports quiz, where the first person to call in will win $100.
Jefferson suggest that Al try it, as its a sure bet due to Al's extensive knowledge in sports trivia. Al tries to turn it down, saying that they use questions that only people with no lives would know. The announcer asks the questions: "Who played center field for the Chicago White Sox in the ’59 world series?" which Al realizes the answer is Jim Landis. Al runs to the phone and calls up the number he saw on the screen. He then tries to give the answer to the announcer:
Hello! Jim Landis. Huh! No I’m not Jim Landis, I’m answering the question, Jim Landis. [pause] Whatcha mean fish? Fish didn’t play centre field, Fish was a spin-off from Barney Miller. [pause] That’s ridiculous, why would I call the fish store?
Jefferson points out that he just dialed the wrong the number, but Al tries to say he's sure he dialed the correct number, just as he is sure that he's sees Bea Arthur on the TV, before Jefferson points out that its Fidel Castro he's seeing on the screen. Al tries to get close to the TV and when finally makes sure he has the number, he gets up only to see that Jefferson got to the phone and just won the $100. Al tells him that $100 belongs to him but Jefferson tells him "I’m sorry, Al, you gotta be quicker. It’s a young man's world". They both start laughing before Al's laugh turns into a grimace.
The hole that Al made with Jefferson after winning $100 with Al's answer
Al, now sitting on the couch, is watching TV with a pair of binoculars. Kelly comes to the front door and notices a large hole that looks like a trace out of Jefferson's body. Kelly asked what happened, and Al tells her "A young man went through it" She then enters the house and asks him what he's doing, but then tells him that she wants to talk to him about getting glasses. Al keeps point out that he doesn't want them, but she points out that it not that he need them, it that he doesn't want to wear them because he's afraid that he'll be made fun of and called names like like "four eyes" or "Magoo". As she continues on about a boyfriend she had in the 4th grade, Bud asks Al from atop the staircase "Hey! Dad, who was the guy who played for the Celtics they called 'the best sixth man in Basketball'?" and Al tells him that it was Frank Ramsey.
Kelly then continues on about how the boyfriend got glasses and as Al was thinking that he was ok, Kelly points out that she dumped him right away as they looked horrible on him and all the kids made fun of him after that, and eventually ended up in a mental institute. Al looks at her blankly, before asking if there was a point to her story, and she says "Yes there is. Now if a guy who had everything to live for got glasses, there’s certainly no reason for you not to. For to see is more important than to be. Finee" Al turns on the TV and hears the same announcer before announcing the winner for this sports quiz is Bud, who now comes down the staricase to greet Al. Al turns off the TV and calmly suggests that they go out and get him the glasses now, but Bud asks him why and Al tells him "So I can see the expression on your face when I’m choking you!" as he puts his hands on Bud's throat and violently chokes him while Kelly tries to restrain Al.
The Bundys enter an optician's office and Al, seeming nervous, tries to bolt out, but is stopped by Bud and Kelly. He tells them that he doesn't want to be a pointdexter, but Bud reassures him that many cool people wear glasses. Just then a meekly looking man in glasses comes up to Kelly and says "I’m Wally. Please don’t want me, I’m married". Kelly then tells Al to show Wally his perscription and after looking at it in disbelief, ask Al if he can actually see him, indicating he has extremely poor eyesight. He then takes Al over to their display and points out the various styles of frames they carry. As Wally leaves Al, Al runs back to the kids and asks them for help as he's afraid that he might not now what cool is anymore, saying that he wants something that's "cool yet understated" and Kelly reassures him that they'll try to help him out. Suddenly, the kids, along with Wally, are shown picking out various frames, from exagerated style glasses to large horn rimmed glasses to sports goggles for Al to try on as "Sharp Dressed Man" starts to play.
Al with his new glasses
Back at the Bundy house, Bud introduces Al to Buck as "...the man with the go-go-googly eyes. Specks Bundy" and then Al comes in, proudly wearing his new frames, while the kids comment on feeling like the young Redenbockers. Al asks for the TV Guide and proudly points out that he sees Raymond Burr on the cover, before the kids point out that its Delta Burke yet again, causing him to say "Delta Burke, Raymond Burr, City of Seattle. What’s the difference?". He then asks them if they want to go for a ride in his car, but the kids seem to take pride in making fun of him now with his new glasses, which then causes Al to say:
"You know you people reek. What’s botherin’ you is not that I have glasses, but that I’m happy. Well get ready for a life of misery because I shall continue to be happy with my new 20/20 vision. [Al stands up and walks towards the door] Now I’m about to go out and partake of some of the beauty that our fair city affords us. If you need me, I’ll be at the nudie bar."
The next evening, Bud, in his Grandmaster B persona, is on the phone and trying to squeeze in another girl into his little black book, but gets rejected. Kelly, overhearing the conversation, tells him "There, there Crossdresser B" but he then tries to correct her, before she calls him "Grandpappy B". Then, she tells him that she has something that could cheer him up, but he interupts her and asks her if she made customer of the week at the free clinic again. She then continues:
"Your quite a jester, Bellringer B. Anyhow, I was doing a little research, well actually I was talking to the girls about how ugly you are, and it came to light that mother nature has yet to play her cruellest joke on you. Now we knew way back when you were a baby that you would be like Dad and be bald when you’re twenty. But guess what? Odds are you’ll be blind and need glasses too. Now just so you’re not surprised when this happens we worked on a little computer composite of you at thirty."
Bud's future self, as drawn by Kelly
Kelly then holds up a computer print-out of a grotesque, geeky, hunchbacked figure. Bud then comments that he could have one of her at age 25, but the paper wouldn't be big enough. Al comes home and the kids feel better now that they have someone else to make fun of now. Al starts thinking about how much 20/20 vision has become a curse to him, as he's starting to notice how ugly his Dodge is, how much worse it is to work around fat women's feet, saying it would "would’ve put a white flag in Schwartzkopf’s hand" and even his paycheck. The worst part though was seeing the girl at the nearby aerobics studio that he flirts with for the first time clearly, as she's 40, making her an old woman in Al's eyes now. Kelly asks what did she think of the glasses, but Al tells her that he doesn't care about some 40 year old woman's opinion and then starts to look in dismay, noticing how horrible everything looks in the house, from the furniture to a picture of Peg that was on the coffee table, that he didn't recognize before and then screams out that this is all just too much for him. He then takes a walk to the mirror and sees his reflection, realizing that he has wrinkles and is balding, before sadly accepting the fact that he's gotten old and his life really is over. He walks around the house taking off his glasses and then putting them back on to see how much things have changed once he got glasses. Freaking out at the changes it has brought to him, he decides to end it and throws the glasses to the floor and smashes them. He then starts to feel better and asks for a remote. Bud gives him a banana again, but Kelly decides to be nice and take the remote and turn on the TV for him. He then tells the kids:
"Ya know, kids. This is a lesson. I may not see too well, I may kill a few people on the streets and occasionally drive into a river, but it’s better than lookin’ stupid. Ya know somthin’, I feel younger already."
Al enjoying television without his glasses
He then comments "I didn’t think there was this much action on ‘Designing Women’!", not realizing that he's actually watching a western series.
Recurring cast/Guest stars[]
- Cast regulars
- Amanda Bearse as Marcy D'Arcy
- Ted McGinley as Jefferson D'Arcy
- Buck the Dog as Buck Bundy
Guest starring[]
- Robert Fieldsteel as Wally
- Gene 'Bean' Baxter as TV announcer (voice) (as Gene Baxter)
- Gita Isak as Optique Customer (uncredited)
Quotes[]
- [Al is kneeling on the floor and struggling to read the telephone number on the screen for a sports trivia show that is offering a $100 cash prize]
- Al: [quietly reading the number outloud to himself] ...GOT IT!
- [Al gets up and tries to run to the phone, but Jefferson is already there]
- Jefferson: Jim Landis!
- TV Announcer: Hold everything! We've got a winner!
- Jefferson: My name? Uh, Jefferson D'Arcy.
- Al: That's my money!
- Jefferson: [moves the phone aside] I'm sorry, Al. You gotta be quicker! It's a young man's world! [laughs hysterically]
- Al: [puts his arm around Jefferson] ...HAHAHAHA! [looks off to the side with a bitter look]
- [Sometime later, Al is back on the couch and watching TV with binoculars. Kelly arrives at the front door which now has a cutout of Jefferson's body being thrown through it]
- Kelly: [looking over the damaged door] Daddy, what happened to our door?!
- Al: [moves the binoculars aside]: Hmm? Oh, a young man went through it! [grins]
- [Al arrives home with the kids after buying a pair of eyeglasses]
- Al: Hey, kids, watch this. TV guide, s'il vous plait.
- [Bud and Kelly join Al on the couch. Bud hands Al a TV guide]
- Al: There he is, big as life. Raymond Burr.
- Kelly: It’s Delta Burke Dad.
- Al: Delta Burke, Raymond Burr, City of Seattle. What’s the difference?
- [Al arrives back home after a day at work with his eyeglasses and takes a beer from the fridge as Bud and Kelly sit at the kitchen table]
- Al: You know kids I say there’s a curse. You can see everything. My car for instance, have you ever noticed how ugly Daddy’s car is?
- Kelly: You gotta catch it on the right day. You know, the sun glinting off the rust, the cloth that you use as a gas cap flapping gently in the wind, as it’s being proudly towed towards it’s destination.
- Al:Yeh! Well, try and explain my job. Let me tell you somethin’ - people who work puttingshoes on fat women who wear dresses should not have 20/20 vision. I saw things on human legs today that would’ve put a white flag in Schwartzkopf’s hand. And you know the worst part...
- Bud: You actually saw your pay check?
- Al: Yeh! But I sent that back. It just can’t be right. [takes a seat at the table with the kids] Anyhow. Everyday at three o’clock I see this girl that works in the aerobics shop. You know, she flirts with me I flirt with her, it’s nothin’; it gets you through the day. Anyway I always thought she was pretty but today I saw her. She’s forty! I mean forty! I mean she’s old!
- Kelly: But Dad, you’re over forty.
- Al: Yeah, but I’m a guy so it’s totally different. I can’t believe it, she’s not a girl, she’s a woman.
- Kelly: Well, did she like your new glasses?
- Al: [upset] What the hell do I care what a forty year old woman thinks?! Then I come home [gets and walks around the room]. I mean look at this place, look at the furniture, that table... [picks up a picture frame with a picture of Peggy] What the hell is this?!
- Bud: That’s Mom, Dad.
- Al: [frustrated] Oh! This is just too much!!
Notes[]
Title[]
- The title of this episode is a reference to the song "If My Friends Could See Me Now" from the musical Sweet Charity, which, in its 2005 Broadway revival, would star Christina Applegate, as well as a reference to Al suffering from poor vision.
Trivia[]
- Peggy doesn't make an appearance in this episode, although her voice can be be briefly heard offscreen, as she is upstairs in a food coma and later, Al picks up a picture frame with her picture inside.
- This was due to Katey Sagal taking some time off after having a miscarriage in real life in early October 1991 (around the time this episode was filmed) and she wouldn't return until "Al Bundy, Shoe Dick".
- The voice that is heard is likely someone imitating Peggy's voice instead of Katey Sagal as it sounds slightly different.
- Her absence in the episodes that followed was explained as her heading to Mardi Gras after Al's accident in "God's Shoes" and going out shopping in "Kelly Does Hollywood (Part 1)".
- Marcy also doesn't appear in this episode, though she is mentioned by name, as this episode was directed by Amanda Bearse, making her directorial debut for the show.
- Robert Fieldsteel, the actor who plays Wally in this episode, had also guest starred on Designing Women, a show that Al mentions in this episode.
- The name of the optician they go to is "OPTIQUE"
- Gene 'Bean' Baxter who was part of the morning radio duo, Kevin and Bean on KROQ in Los Angeles, makes a guest appearance as the TV announcer looking for someone to answer a sports trivia question.
- He had been previously heard as DJ Rick Cool in season 5's Oldies But Young 'Uns.
- Al is shown to be enjoying and even singing along to the theme song for The Facts of Life in this episode. However, later episodes such as "Kelly Does Hollywood (Part 2)" show that Al absolutely despises that theme song. And even wishing death on whoever wrote it.
- Kelly states that Al is over 40 in this episode. Given that his birth year is 1948, he would be around 42-43 years old.
Cultural References[]
- While trying to read the TV Guide, Al mistakes Raymond Burr with Delta Burke.
- Raymond Burr was a Canadian actor probably best known as for his role as Robert T. Ironside in Ironside and the title character in the Perry Mason TV series from 1957-1966 and then again in the numerous Perry Mason TV movies from 1985 until his death in 1993.
- Delta Burke is an actress who was best known at this time for her role on the television series, Designing Women.
- Kelly says one of the names that Al might be called if he got a pair of glasses is "Magoo". This is a reference to the cartoon character, Mr. Magoo, an elderly, bald man whose eyesight is failing, though he either does not know it or is too stubborn to do anything about it and yet is able to avoid extremely dangerous situations because of it.
- Bud makes a comment on feeling like the young Redenbachers, making a reference to Orville Redenbacher, who used to promote his name brand popcorn in TV commercials with his grandson, Gary.
- Orville Redenbacher and his grandson were previously mentioned on MWC in "And Baby Makes Money".
- Al makes a reference to US Army General Norman Schwarzkopf, Jr., who was best known for planning and leading Operation Desert Storm during the Gulf War between 1990 and 1991.
- After misdialing the number on the screen for the sports trivia quiz, Al mentions that Fish was a spin-off of Barney Miller.
- Barney Miller was a sitcom that ran from 1975 to 1982 on ABC. The show focused on the life of various detectives in the Detectives' Squad Room at the 12th Precinct in New York.
- Fish was a spin-off of Barney Miller, focusing on the domestic life of one of the detectives from that show, Sgt. Philip K. Fish, along with his wife and their adopted kids. It ran from 1977 to 1978 on ABC.
- After trying to see the phone number for the sports trivia game for a second time, Al mistakes actress Bea Arthur with the leader of Cuba at the time, Fidel Castro.
- Sports figures Jim Landis and Frank Ramsey are the answers to the sports trivia quiz that Al tries to enter.
- Al can be seen doing the Duckwalk while trying on glasses.
- Jefferson tells Al that he can't watch any televised sporting events at home, while Marcy was watching a "Chippendales" tape
- Chippendales is the name of an all-male touring dance troupe known for performing stripteases for female audiences.
Music[]
- The song playing while Al tries on various pairs of glasses is "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top.
- Al and the kids also do the dance moves from the music video when helping out Al.
- Al sings the "The Facts of Life", the opening theme song from the show of the same name.
Locations[]
- Bundy Residence
- Optique
Sets[]
- Bundy Living Room / Kitchen
- Optique
Goofs[]
- The Bundy's front door that Jefferson went through is somehow fixed by the time they return from Optique, even though the large hole was still there when Al announces that they are going out to get him glasses.
- From the beginning of the episode until Jefferson wins the trivia game, there is a large bowl of fruit on the coffee table, yet when Kelly returns home later, the bowl is gone and just a single banana is laying on the table now. The banana also changes position, being close to the edge of the table when Kelly talks to Al about glasses and then it is near his knees when they come back from Optique.
External Links[]
If I Could See Me Now at the Internet Movie Database- If I Could See Me Now on Bundyology
- If I Could See Me Now - Transcript on albundy.net
- #112 If I Could See Me Now - MWC Podcast on Horrorphilia
