"Hello there, and welcome to 'How do I love thee?'. The game show that dares to ask, 'How do I love thee?'."
— Bink Winkleman, host
How do I love thee? is a fictional game show for newlyweds. The show features a competition in which two newly married couples torture their spouses for cheap prizes.
It is hosted by Bink Winkleman and his assistant, the Lovely Zelda.
It appears in the episode "Just Married... with Children", in which the show comes to Chicago for one week only and the Bundys (posing as Steve and Marcy) and the Squabs participate as contestants.
Gameplay[]
Two couples take their place behind a lectern. The contestants compete in a contest comprising three rounds.
First round[]
The wives (Mona and Peggy as Marcy) strapped to the wheels
The Lovely Zelda takes the wives to the love test area behind the curtain and presents the husbands with the first prize they can win: a bowling ball.
When the curtain opens the wives are revealed to be strapped to large wheels. The husband who spins his wife the fastest wins the ball. A coin toss decides which man begins.
Second round[]
After both wheels have stopped spinning, the wives return to the lectern and are presented with the second prize to win: an expensive watch.
Meanwhile, the Lovely Zelda takes the men behind the curtain and they are put on a bed each, below the mattress. The wives get to determine how many full-figured women get to sit on top of their husbands and whoever is crushed by more weight, wins the watch. To go for the record, they even have the opportunity to add Bertha, a very large woman. In order to get the women to get off the bed again, the wife has to yell "uncle". However, once she does, she loses her chance at the watch.
Third round[]
The electric chairs
In the third round the husbands get locked up in a killer bee booth and their wives get to decide for how long. The woman that decides to leave her husband in the longest, wins the third prize: a toaster.
Bonus round[]
After the first three rounds, the losing couple has to leave and the winning couple is entitled to that week's grand prize: a washer dryer.
After telling a little more about themselves, they get to decide whether they want to take all their prizes and go home immediately or risk them all to go for the super grand prize: a brand new car.
The super grand prize: a brand new car
If they decide to risk their prizes, the husband goes back into the torture chamber and they compete against an old married couple chosen from the studio audience by a questionnaire called "Why I hate my spouse". In that last round the husbands have to sit on electric chairs and the wife, who dares to crank the most juice into her husband, wins the car.
Results of the aired show on MWC[]
The Bundys, posing as Steve and Marcy, beat the Squabs with Al being crushed by Bertha as one of the highlights. In the bonus round, Al and Peggy, still posing as Steve and Marcy, square off against the real Steve and Marcy posing as Al and Peggy Bundy. (They found out thanks to Bud and Kelly who sold out their parents for a free meal.) Unfortunately for Al and Peggy, the Rhoades were more competitive than the Squabs, but they still won the car as evidenced by Al being fully electorified in the episode's final scene.