How To Marry a Moron is the 23rd episode of season 11 of Married... with Children, it also being the 261st overall series episode.
Directed by Gerry Cohen and written as a teleplay by Pamela Eells & Russell Marcus from a story penned by Vince Cheung and Ben Montanio, the episode, which was the second half of a two episode story arc that was preceded by the episode titled The Desperate Half-Hour (Part 1), premiered on FOX-TV, as both episodes of the arc aired together on May 5, 1997.
Synopsis[]
Lonnie is released from prison and follows through with his promise to come back and properly propose to Kelly. Al objects to Kelly wanting to marry a criminal until he discovers that Lonnie happens to be the heir to a family fortune. After Al finds Kelly's fiancé at the Jiggly Room, he ends up questioning himself as to whether he should tell Kelly about what he saw.
Storyline[]
After the police apprehend his then-girlfriend Starla, who tried to hold the Bundys hostage after escaping from prison, Lonnie returns to the Bundy home to ask permission to take Kelly's hand in marriage as he pleads to Al: "Sir, l may not be the smartest man in the world or the most successful but l love your daughter and l would give my life for her!" Al, then not enamored with the seemingly honest, but dim-witted Lonnie, who's a mechanic, then sarcastically answers, "Deal!" as he then tries to strangle him! When he says, "Your father tried to strangle me!" to Kelly, she tries to save face by making up the explanation "Well, that's just how we show affection!", as he then dim-wittedly returns the favor to Al, almost strangling him!
When Al discovers that the diamond ring that Lonnie presents Kelly isn't fake, but a real cubic zirconia, he also learns that Lonnie is an heir to Earl Tot, the owner of Weenie Tots, namely, the owner's son, which makes him change his tune about the lad, as he begins to see dollar signs! However, Al's hopes are dashed when it's revealed that Lonnie, who admits to Al that he's at The Jiggly Room every Friday night, has a roving eye, as he catches him with four strippers there at The Jiggly Room. After instructing Lonnie to leave and think about his actions, Al steals his lap dance as well as all the attention from the girls.
Later that night, Al struggles with the dilemma of whether or not to tell Kelly about finding Lonnie at the Jiggly Room. After Peggy points out that Al goes to the Jiggly Room despite being married, he explains to her that he is justified in going there as a married man because he looks and admires but never cheats. Peggy tries to brush it off and says that since Kelly and Lonnie are not married yet, it should be ok for Lonnie to go as well. But Al points out that being engaged is equal to marriage, as the engagement ring implies that someone is "out of circulation".
Bud, hearing about Al's dilemma, points out that Kelly herself has not been a virgin since 1979 and tries to convince Al that Lonnie and his family are good people, as they gave the Bundys a big screen projector and laserdisc player as a gift. Although Al still continues to believes that Lonnie is a rogue and scoundrel, Bud and Peg manage to convince Al to look the other way by presenting him with a movie on their new projector starring his personal hero and favorite actor, John Wayne.
On the day of the wedding, a large group of young men arriving and sobbing uncontrollably, revealing that all of them are Kelly's ex-boyfriends. As Lonnie's parents, Earl and Pearl Tot, meet Al and Peg, Lonnie lets Bud meet his sister, Tatum. After believing that she an attractive girl with big breast, Bud is horrified to lean that she is a fat girl and forces him into the basement to make out. Then, just moments before Kelly and Lonnie's wedding reception is about to begin, Lonnie, whose hormones seem to be in overdrive, tries to make a move on Marcy D'Arcy, who slaps his face!
When word of this gets back to Al, he cancels the wedding and scolds the Tot family, who admits that philandering runs in their family. With the wedding officially cancelled, Kelly is briefly devastated until she realizes that she has a ton of her exes to fall back on - and they just happen to be in attendance.
Cast[]
Main cast[]
- Ed O'Neill as Al Bundy
- Katey Sagal as Peggy Bundy
- Amanda Bearse as Marcy D'Arcy
- Christina Applegate as Kelly Bundy
- David Faustino as Bud Bundy
- Ted McGinley as Jefferson D'Arcy
Recurring cast/Guest stars[]
- Harold Sylvester as Griff
- Chip Esten as Lonnie Tot
- Gordon Jump as Earl Tot, Lonnie's Dad
- Edie McClurg as Pearl Tot, Lonnie's mom
- T.L. Brooke as Tatum Tot, Lonnie's sister
- Rance Howard as Reverend
- Lauren Hays as Susie
- Mason Dragotto as Jennifer
- Rena Riffel as Stripper #1
- Lucky as Lucky the Dog
- Ryan Tower as Kelly's Grieving Boyfriend (uncredited)
- Jennifer Diane Hanson as Stripper 2 (uncredited)
Quotes[]
- [After Lonnie reveals that he has multiple wives, while his mother Pearl has a boyfriend on the side and his father, Earl, is on his fifth marriage, a disgusted Al confronts the Tots.]
- Al: So that's the kind of lowlife scum you people are. No respect for the torturous sanctity of marriage. Now let me tell you something: We Bundys may have our faults, [The attendees loudly agrees] but we believe that marriage should be forever, no matter how pitiful or disgusting it may be to wake up to the same horrifying face each day. That's what the marriage vows are all about. And anyone who can't stand the nagging, bonbon-eating heat should stay out of the whining, sex-starved kitchen.
- [After the wedding is cancelled and the Tots have left, the Bundys are standing together in the backyard to console Kelly]
- Peggy: Are you okay?
- Kelly: I think so. I mean, I'm gonna miss Lonnie, but at least I have something that will always remind me of him.
- Al: [with a bitter grin] A $10,000 wedding debt?
- Kelly: [smugly] No Daddy, that's yours. I've got this.
- [Kelly smiles and lifts up her hand to show that she still has her diamond ring]
- Kelly: And of course, my loved ones to console me.
- Bud: [stands up, taps her on the arm] We're here for you, Kel.
- Kelly: [offended] Not you! [scoffs]
- [Kelly runs and stands in front of her former boyfriends]
- Kelly: [smiling] Them. Haha!
Notes[]
Title[]
- The title of this episode is a reference to the 1953 romantic comedy, How to Marry a Millionaire.
Trivia[]
- Although the ending of the episode implies that this was the final episode of season 11, it was actual the second to last episode aired, as the next episode was aired out of order several weeks after this one.
- Despite the ending, the episode was not intended to be the series finale of the show. Rather, it was expected that the show would do one more season with a proper send off. FOX cancelled the show while the cast was on break, citing high production costs couple with the shows declining viewership rates[1] and told the public before the cast and crew, leaving them to find out from secondhand sources.
- Ed O'Neill mentioned that he learned about the cancellation from a newlywed couple while vacationing back home in Youngstown, Ohio. The couple were happy to meet the man who played Al Bundy but also offered their condolences after hearing about the cancellation on the radio, which surprised him, as he didn't know anything about the cancellation. He thanked the couple and ended up treating them at a bed and breakfast. He also complained that FOX didn't call him until six weeks later and at the very least, didn't give him and the cast a parting gift despite 11 years of making the show and FOX itself a success. [2][3]
- Christina Applegate said that neither she nor the rest of the cast were contacted by the studio and that she learned of the cancellation indirectly from someone she knew who heard it from the Los Angeles based morning radio show, "The Kevin and Bean Show", stating that even the radio DJs knew about the show's cancellation before her.[4][3]
- Katey Sagal said that she learned about the show's cancellation while working out on a Lifecycle bike at a local gym. She then noted that later that summer, FOX's then-president, Peter Roth took her out for lunch to apologize for the show being cancelled.
- Although she does not appear on screen, Lonnie's ex-girlfriend, Starla is mentioned by name, as Bud writes to her at the beginning of the episode.
- Rance Howard, who plays the reverend, previously appeared on MWC in the season 10 episode, "Enemies" along with his real life wife, Jean Speegle Howard, who had appeared in several previously episodes.
- Their son, Clint Howard, also appeared on MWC as Mullen the church janitor in the season 9 episode, "And Bingo Was Her Game-O".
- Jennifer Diane Hanson, who plays Stripper 2, the dancer on the stage pole behind Lonnie, previously appeared on MWC as the salon receptionist in the Season 3 episode "Requiem for a Dead Barber".
- This episode premiered exactly one month after the 10th anniversary of the pilot episode.
- After receiving Lonnie's engagement ring, Peggy runs to the kitchen and flips the switch underneath the kitchen counter to examine the diamond. Previously, in the Season 9 episode, "User Friendly", that same switch was the light switch for Buck's dog house light, after Al and Jefferson desperately tried to figure out what it actually did.
- Peggy implies that the happiest day of her life involved her likely having sex with the entire football team, the Polk High Panthers. In several other episodes, such as "It's a Bundyful Life (Part 2)", Al has also mentioned that Peggy had slept with the entire football team in their high school years.
- This one of the few times that Al is willing to admit that Kelly is promiscuous, after Bud tells his parents that Kelly hasn't been a virgin since 1979. In other words, Kelly lost her virginity at age 8.
- Peggy mentions that she had morning sickness on her wedding day, implying that she was already pregnant with Kelly when she married Al. In several other episodes, notably "The Joke's on Al", Al indicated that he and Peg had a "shotgun wedding", a term used to describe a couple being forced to marry after getting the women pregnant in order to avoid having a child out of wedlock.
- Gordon Jump and Edie McClurg, who play Earl and Pearl Tot, previously appeared together on the 1970s sitcom, WKRP in Cincinnati. Jump played Mr. Carlson, while McClurg played Lucille, the wife of Mr. Carlson's co-worker, Herb Tarlek.
- The series also featured several other MWC guest stars including George Wyner and Richard Sanders.
Cultural References[]
- Actor John Wayne is mentioned when Al is debating whether to inform Kelly about seeing Lonnie at The Jiggly Room. Bud tries to bribe Al to turn the other way and play a film featuring "The Duke" on a 10 foot wide projector in their living room.
- Later, Al becomes memorized as the projector drops down and a John Wayne film plays, while noting "This is where 'The Duke' kills a whole bunch of Indians who were really asking for it!". This is a reference to many of Wayne's film, often portraying him as a cowboy fighting Indians (more commonly referred to in modern times as Native Americans) in the Western frontier.
Locations[]
Sets[]
- Bundy Living Room / Kitchen
- Bundy Backyard
- The Jiggly Room Dance Stage / Seating Area
References[]
- ↑ ‘Married . . . With Children’ Is Breaking Up After 11 Years. Los Angeles Times.
- ↑ Ed O'Neill Heard About 'Married... with Children' Cancellation from Newlyweds in Ohio. The Ellen Show.
- ↑ 3.0 3.1 Ed O’Neill found out ‘Married… with Children’ was canceled in a very awkward way. CNN (September 2, 2024). Retrieved on September 12, 2024.
- ↑ Christina Applegate Reveals Surprising Way She Discovered 'Married With Children' Was Canceled. Pop Culture.