Kiss of the Coffee Woman is the 25th episode of season 10 of Married... with Children and the 236th overall series episode. Directed by Sam W. Orender and written by Todd Newman, it premiered on FOX-TV on May 5, 1996.
Synopsis[]
Kelly gets a television commercial where the male lead is fired. When Jefferson steps in as a replacement, the duo becomes popular and he becomes a local sex symbol.
Plot Summary[]
Marcy has kicked Jefferson out of their house and orders him to not come back until he finally gets a job. Although he was able to crash on the Bundy's living room couch for awhile, even Al has become frustrated with the male version of Peggy in his house. While Jefferson tells Al that it is hard to find work, Bud tells Kelly that he got her a job, playing the female lead character, Lila in a commercial for "Romantic Roast" instant coffee. Upon hearing this, Al then orders Jefferson to become a chauffer for the kids and drive them to the set, in the hope that Marcy will finally take him back.
During filming, the actor playing the male lead character, Lance, is fired for having a high pitched voice. Bud decides to get Jefferson to take over the role, despite not having any acting experience. The spot catches on with the public, with Jefferson being hounded by female fans in love with Lance, which begins to upset Marcy. Sometime later, during a packed meet-and-greet event that Al and Griff set up, Bud reveals that the ad was so popular that Jefferson and Kelly will being playing Lance and Lila for two more commercials.
After the second commercial airs on television, Marcy becomes more worried and tells Al that she is afraid that with his rising popularity, Jefferson will leave her just like her former husband, Steve did. Al downplays her concerns and suggests that she can always try a new look to make herself look better, before admitting he is fine with the way things are going. That is, until Bud stops by to inform both Al and Marcy that for the final commercial, Kelly and Jefferson will have to kiss. This makes both Al and Marcy uncomfortable, so Bud convinces them that it's completely innocent and invites them down to the set.
When Al and Marcy arrive, they soon find out from the director that the set-up is a little different than they expected: Jefferson and Kelly are to be in bed together enjoying post-coital coffee. While Al and Marcy are both upset at the news, after being told that it will pay $50,000, Marcy gets onboard (while Al is struggling to understand coffee after having sex).
With a new commercial comes new dialogue, which suggests that Jefferson's character was terrible in bed. Jefferson sees this as a slap in the face and tells the director that this puts him a bad light with his female fans. Unable to change the director's mind, he walks off the set. As the director plans to give up and redo the campaign with coffee drinking frogs, Bud volunteers Al and Marcy to do the commercial instead. Though their stiff acting and lack of charisma causes the director to finally give up and orders his stage manager to get him some frogs and booze.
Recurring Cast/Regulars[]
Guest Stars[]
- Leland Orser as Director
- Brian Stewart as Lance
- Andrea Nittoli as Linda
- Karen Lynn Scott as Dina
- Susan Slome as Becca
- Gita Isak as Stage Manager (uncredited)
Quotes[]
- [Al arrives at home and stops to look towards the couch, which suddenly makes him upset. He slams the door shut and hangs his coat up, before slowly walking over to the couch and becomes confrontational.]
- Al: [upset] All right, I've had it. I'm sick of coming home, seeing you holding down the couch, watching Oprah, and stuffing your face full of bonbons. Now you either get your lazy ass in the kitchen and cook me a meal, or get out! [gestures to the door with his thumb]
- [The camera then reveals that Al was talking to Jefferson, who is laying on the couch in place of Peggy and eating bonbons.]
- Jefferson: [sits up] Come on, Al. Marcy won't let me back in the house until I have a job. If you kick me out too... where will I go?
- Al: [shrugs] Don't know, don't care.
- [Al confronts Kelly after learning that the next Romantic Roast commercial will involve her and Jefferson kissing]
- Al: Kelly, I've given you good fatherly advice in the past.
- Kelly: [rolls her eyes] Daddy, you have never given me fatherly advice.
- Al: Okay, then here's some advice from someone 100 pounds heavier with an 8-inch reach advantage, you are not kissing the neighbor!
- Kelly: Daddy, I am grown up and you can't tell me what to do anymore, so... [sticks out her tongue, then heads to the couch with Al and Bud]
- Al: Kelly, I know you're grown up, even though you still live at home and occasionally pick up the phone when you hear the doorbell. But, [pulls out his wallet and opens it to show Kelly the picture fold inside] sweetheart, look, why do you think I carry your baby picture in my wallet.
- Kelly: That's not me, Dad.
- Bud: [looks at Al in disgust] That's the picture that came with the wallet!
- Al: [to Bud] Hey, when I bought this wallet, I had a choice: a little boy or a little girl. I picked the little girl. She's... symbolic.
- Kelly: [upset] She's Chinese, Dad!
- Al: THAT'S WHAT I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD BE!
- Kelly: [begins to cry] Oh, Daddy... I'm sorry I'm not Chinese. I didn't mean...
- Al: [hugs Kelly] Oh, sweetheart, that all right, now. [quickly gives Bud a dirty look before going back to Kelly]
- Kelly: Dad, what is really the problem?
- Al: Well, because I... I want to keep you pure.
- Bud: Well, we better call, uh, Mr. Peabody and the WAAAAAAA-BAC machine.
- [An angry Al immediately turns around to face Bud and shows him the back of his open left hand, indicating that he's going to give him "five across the eyes" or in other words, slap Bud across the face with back of his hand]
- [Bud, Al and Marcy are sitting on the set for the third commercial. Al then notices Mark, the director walking by]
- Al: Hey, excuse me, Mr. Director. I'd like to talk to you about this kissing with tongues.
- Mark: Wrong set. They're casting Show Boys down the hall.
- Al: No, no. Kelly's my daughter. I wanna make sure this kiss is quick and clean.
- Mark Oh, well, they're not going to kiss anymore. We did some research and the audience felt that kissing after the third date was too... '80s.
- Marcy: [gets up and joins Al, smiling] Well, I'm glad this country has finally come to its senses.
- Al: So, what are you gonna have them do?
- [Behind Mark, a red curtain is lifted up, revealing a bedroom with a heart-shaped bed]
- Al: What's that bed for?
- Mark: Oh, come on, Mr. Bundy. You're a married man.
- Al: Yeah? [after a moment, then shrugs] What's that bed for?
- Mark: We, in the business, call it "sex".
- Al: I don't care what you call it. My daughter's not doing it.
- Mark: Mr. Bundy, they're not really having sex. In fact, the commercial takes place after sex, when they're having coffee.
- Al: How can someone drink coffee in their sleep?! [Mark is left dumbfounded]
- Marcy: I'll handle this, Magilla. [shoves Al aside] Look my husband is not having post-coital coffee with anyone. I don't care how much you pay him.
- Mark: How does $50,000 sound?
- Marcy [talks into Mark's bullhorn] Quiet on the set.
- Bud: [gets up and walks to Al, excited] Dad, did you hear that?
- Al: [still confused] I just still can't figure it out. Sex, then coffee. It's just wrong!
Notes[]
Title[]
- The title of the film is a reference to the 1985 drama film, Kiss of the Spider Woman.
Trivia[]
- Katey Sagal does not appear in this episode, as she was on maternity leave following the birth of her second child.
- As Lance leaves the set after being fired, if you look to the blue wall just outside of the double door, there is a bulletin board hanging on the blue wall and has a bright yellow paper that reads MCAT. The same board was used in the previous episode, hanging on the wall in the library study room that Bud was in.
- This episode is the third and final appearance of Leland Orser as the commercial director that Kelly works with. He was previously seen in "The Naked and the Dead, but Mostly the Naked" and "The Two That Got Away".
- Karen Lynn Scott, who plays Dina, the woman who thinks Marcy is Jefferson's mother, previously appeared on MWC in the season 6 episode, "I Who Have Nothing" as Al's gold-digging relative, Aunt Heather.
- At one point, Marcy begins to cry as she worries about Jefferson leaving her if he becomes too famous and then mentions her ex-husband Steve Rhoades leaving her.
- During the ending credits, instead of the still frame of Al and Peggy on the couch, the credits roll over a continuation of the previous scene, with Al and Marcy stiffly acting out the scene between Lance and Lyla in bed. As they say the lines the stage crew walks in front of the camera while shutting down the set. By the time they sound more natural, the set is dark and Marcy asks Al if it was good enough for him, he has fallen asleep.
- Oddly, while this scene fully remains intact on the DVD release, the actual ending credits that roll over the scene are the edited version that omit the "Love and Marriage" reference.
Cultural References[]
- The Romantic Roast commercials are a spoof on the Gold Blend couple featured in a British ad campaign made for Nestle Gold Blend Coffee during the late 1980s to early 1990s, in which a dating couple grows closer over as they drink the coffee, with each ad made in a serial format and ending with a cliffhanger.
- The ads were re-introduced to an American audience in the early 1990s when the coffee was sold under the "Taster's Choice" label in the U.S.. The British actors were re-hired, and now used an American accent to re-create the original ads for the new audience, called "The Taster's Choice Saga". [1][2]
- The characters were played by Anthony Head, who later become known for his roles as Rupert Giles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which featured MWC guest stars David Boreanaz and Nicholas Brendon) and King Uther Pendragon on Merlin, and actress Sharon Maughan.
- The outfit that Lance wears appears to be based on the outfit worn by handyman Dwayne Schneider in the 1975-83 CBS sitcom One Day at a Time.
- In the commercial, Lila mentions that she put on ABBA's Greatest Hits, referring to the Swedish pop band and possibly, their 1992 compilation album.
- The director accuses the original Lance of sounding like professional boxer Mike Tyson, who was known for his lisp.
- The director also mentions the syndicated action drama series, Baywatch.
- Several stars of Baywatch (including Pamela Anderson, Donna D'Errico and Traci Bingham) have appeared in guest roles on MWC.
- After finding Jefferson at Gary's Shoes, Marcy informs Al that Michael Caine is at the Orange Julius.
- Michael Caine is a British actor known for his distinctive Cockney accent. He was previously mentioned by Jefferson in season 6's "England Show (Part 1)", after confusing the actor for the Queen of England.
- Orange Julius is a American chain of fruit drink beverage stores, currently owned by Dairy Queen, typically found in malls in the U.S. and around the world.
- During a commercial for Romantic Roast, the announcer says the slogan, "What Juan Valdez drinks when the misses is out of town!"
- Juan Valdez is a fictional character used to represent coffee beans that are grown and harvested from Columbia.
- After Al mentions that he wants to keep Kelly pure, Bud sarcastically remarks "Well, we better call Mr. Peabody and the WABAC machine", in reference to the cartoon character that was part of the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons and his time machine.
- It is very likely that Kelly had sex with boys throughout the series, though those encounters were implied.
- When Al asks the director about the kissing scene, he tells Al that the Showboys casting is down the hall. Showboys is a likely parody of the 1995 erotic drama film, Showgirls.
- After Al asks the director how can someone have coffee after sex, Marcy pushes him aside and calls him "Magilla", in reference to the cartoon character, Magilla Gorilla.
Locations[]
- Bundy Residence
- Commercial Sound Stage
- Gary's Shoes & Accessories for Today's Woman
Sets[]
- Bundy Living Room / Kitchen
- Romantic Roast Kitchen / Bedroom Commercial Set
- Gary's Shoes Seating Area