One Down, Two to Go is the 10th episode of season 5 of Married... with Children, also the 90th overall series episode. Directed by Gerry Cohen and written by Ralph R. Farquhar, the episode originally aired on FOX, premiering on November 25, 1990.
Bud is laying on the couch, looking depressed, as the TV is set to "Dateless Dude Late Night Theater". Just then, a lady's voice is heard asking if he likes to be spanked which gets him excited. The lady then mentions that she's looking for naughty boys who need some discipline and tells him to call the number on the screen, which he eagearly does. During the converstation, he tells her that he's been naughty, before laying the phone on the couch and begins to bark like a dog.
Just then Kelly arrives with her date Jake and sees what Bud is doing. He then quietly hangs up the phone and tries to convince them that it was Buck's mom on the phone and he was going to tell her that Buck didn't want to talk. Kelly obviously knows its a lie and then tells him to "go upstairs and Nick-at-Nite [himself] to sleep" as she needs the couch. Bud then tell her that he was there first and reminds her about the Lester incident that required the couch to be checked for fleas. Just then, Jake, in a surfer style accent, says "Hey! I got a brother named Lester".
which Kelly nervously chuckles at before looking at Bud in contempt. Bud then tries to convince her that since she's now 18, she's an adult and should be able to do whatever she wants, including taking her date to her room, instead of a couch, back of a car or a dirty pile of laundry that she used with Mongo the night before, which Jake then happily says "No! I got a brother named Mongo!". Kelly agrees with Bud, saying that she's not 12 anymore and no longer needs to sneak in boys like she did back then. She then suggests that they play Strip Nintendo in her room like adults, which Jake is happy to do.
As she and Jake make their way up the stairs, Bud gleefully stands near the staircase ready to see what's going to happen. Just then, the voice of Kelly is heard talking:
Kelly: Oh, hi, daddy. I'm eighteen and I can do whatever I want. This is Jake.
Jake: Hi. We're going to Kelly's room. Hold my calls.
Immediately, Al is seen walking down with Jake in a headlock and introduces himself and says before he goes to Kelly's room, he wants to introduce him to the house. He then proceeds to smash Jake's head into the banister, the brick wall and just as he's taking him to the door, Jake pleads for him to stop. He agrees to and opens the door, but as Jake is about leave, Al grabs him and slams his head into the door frame and continues to smash the door against his head, and then finally throws him out the door, as Bud watches from behind. Al sarcastically tells him "Don't be a stranger" and then he tells Bud that he's about 8 to 10
inches short of his record toss of 20 feet, which involved a guy named Larry, which Jake then says "Hey! I got a brother named Larry!"
Kelly, now frustratred at what just happened, asks Al why she won't let him bring boys to her room, even though she's 18 and has rights. Just then, Peg is heard sayihng that she needs someone to rub her behind, which causes him to say "See what can happen when you let someone sneak into your room before you're married'?". She then sits on the couch and threatens to hold her breath until Al respects her rights as an adult. She tries to hold it but then claims she blacked out, which Bud jokes that perharps he should get the bums from the corner to perform mouth to mouth on her. She then grabs him by his shirt and says "Its just those kind of inseminations that make daddy think I'm a bad girl" before realizing that she's just breathed again. Al then tells her that "For a house to be a home, only one can make the rules. And in this house, those rules [looks over his shoulder at the staircase]...[quietly] are made by the man". She then tells him that if he won't listen to reason, then she will have to move out, which he then tells her that threatening won't work on him. Just then Peg is heard whinning "No one is rubbing my tush!" and Al tells Kelly that he's been to hell and back. He then puts his right arm up and prepares it to give Peg what she wants.
A few day later, Peg and Al are sitting on the couch, with Peg saying that Kelly is moving out now and says that this is a sign that they're getting old. Kelly comes down the stairs and tells them that she's going now and wishes Al "Our rev voir" and Peg "Adidas", which causes Peg to start crying. Al then gets up and tells her that he's done playing around and to stop this charade, but she says that she's not playing around and until he can respect her and her rights, she needs to move out. He then tells her that its hard to find a place in the real world when you don't have money, but she's quick to point out that she has $246. Peg, now visibly upset tells Al to say someting, and he proceeds to ask Kelly to lend him some money for a bowling bowl. She then kisses Peg on the cheek and leaves the house, which causes Peg to cry outloud and asks him to hold her, but he points that he didn't hold her when Kelly was concieved, why would he do it now and she still proceeds to cling to him.
Later that night, Peggy points out that she is worried, as it has been six hours since she left and hasn't called them yet. Al then points out that she's worrying about this, yet had no problem with Kelly riding in a van that read "Virgin Sacrifice Tour '90". Peg defends this saying that "not everyone in ripped jeans, no underwear and a black hood is a bad influence" and then asks if she was a good mother. Bud comes down and Peg tries to act motherly by telling him to wear a jacket outside, though he points out that its 80 degrees outside. She tries to feel his head and notices how lumpy it is, and then asks him if she was a good mother, though Bud tells her that he was the
only 8 month old baby to change his own diaper. Peg the promises to be a great mom before embracing him and singing "Hush Little Baby". Bud then asks Al to help him out. but he points out that he never helped him when he had to rub Peg's butt all those years, but Bud tells him he'll give $10. Al then gets up and tells her to let him go, but she says she'll need someone to hug if he goes and then tells Al he is on his own now. The phone rings and Bud escapes and runs to the phone, with Peg following, but Bud puts his fist up and threatens to punch her if she continues following. He picks up and reveals its Kelly. After he hangs up, he tells his parents that she found an apartment, which causes Peggy to cry and grab both Al and Bud as she continues to finish sining "Hush Little Baby".
Some time has based, Bud is now sitting on Peg's lap, wearing a bib and she is taking baby talk to him and tells him to open his mouth as she spoon feeds him some mashed bananas. He then begs Al to help him, but he tells him why should he complain as he's getting fed, unlike him. She tells Bud that she hopes he won't leave her and he tells her "Why would I want to go out with a girl my age when I can stay home and be oiled and powdered by my insane mother". She continues to hug him, before he breaks free and heads upstairs, saying that he'll be writing his soon to be published book "How to Stay Cool While Mommy Watches You Tinikle". Al decided to talk to her about this, as she continues to mash bananas for Bud's lunch, he points out that her mind, much like Atlantis, is no longer on any map. She then decides that they should have another baby, which Al replies:
"Gee, Peg, there's a just copule of things I rather do first...uh, I rather dive off the Sears Tower headfirst into a thumbtack..or I rather bait a crocodile with my manhood, which I believe is what got me into this mess. Oh wait a minute but I forgot...you're as loony as a toon, so of course we can have another child. Oh look, here comes our baby now. [grabs a banana peel from the counter] Lets call him Insane-O, the product of our love!"
Peg asks him if he misses Kelly and he tells her no, which causes her to call him "an unfeeling brute". She then proceeds to make her way up the stairs to bath Bud, but he escapes through the backyard. Al heads to the couch and reassures himself he's not an unfeeling brute, as she's 18 and should be out of the house. As Al turns on the TV, an annoucement for the Oprah show reveaks the topic is: "Parents who just don't give a damn and grew old and depressed because their children left and won't talk to them". He then changes channels to hear a commercial
Girl: Daddy, can I have a Buddy Burger?
Father: No, honey. You've had too many already.
Girl: Then I hate you! And I'm running away forever!
Announcer: Bonnie did run away...into the path of a speeding truck. The moral is have us scrape one off the grill. so you don't have scrape one off the street.
Singers: Buddy, Buddy, Buddy Burgers. Made with love!
Announcer: And lard!
Just then, the doorbell rings and Al finds Marcy there with her new boyfriend, Sam. As they come in, Al asks her about Kelly and if it woudl be possible for her to live in an appartment for $246, which she points out that with that kind of money, her choices would be a Big Gulp cup or she would be selling herself for Pez. He then asks if he should go after her, but Marcy reassures him that this would be a good learning experience for her:
"This is Kelly's first step towards independence. Even if she's starving and freezing to death and setting a rat on fire for heat, she's still better off. If you go rescue her, you're only going to reenforce the traditional role of female subservience to men, and that's something I find odeious."
Sam then asks her to show some knee, which she gladly obliges. She then continues that she bel
ives kelly will be fine on her own. Al hears the echo of "...on her own" in his head, before the song "Daddy's Little Girl" plays over a montage of Kelly through out the years trying to spell "Cat" and then being brought back home by a Chicago PD officer. As Al focuses back on Marcy's speech, she continues telling him that with some luck, she'll be independent as Marcy, before Sam tells her to kiss him. Al then gets up and runs out the door as they continue to make out on his couch.
Al gets off an elevator, where the two other men on it comment on Al's foul odor. He knocks on a door and is greeted by Kelly, who invites him in. He gives her a bag of Pez, telling her that he didn't want her to sell herself for it. He then wanders around, admiring all the things that are there such as the TV with a cable box, the AC and finally the fridge, which is full of food and causes him to scream out "Great Caeser's ghost!". He then takes out various ingredients and makes a sandwich, as Kelly tries to get him to confess that he missed her. He asks how can she afford to live in a place like this and she reveals that she has a roommate to help with the bills.
Just then, a man close to Al's age comes in with flowers and calls out to someone. He notices Kelly and tells her she looks nice and then turns to Al to introduce himself. Al then, thinking the man is seeing Kelly, punchs him in the face, knocking him out and over the couch which shocks Kelly. She tries to explain who the man is, but Al tells her that he is upset, thinking that this man is Kelly's sugar daddy and taking advantage of her!A second later, Brooke, Kelly's roommate, runs out wondering what happened, only to see her father laying on the couch and thinking that Al killed him. Kelly turns to Al and gets him to admit that he cares, since she's his little girl. He then tells her that if she's willing to come home, he's willing to bend some of the rules. She asks if she can boys in her room, but he says it'll be on a case by case basis.
Back at the Bundy house, Bud is barking at the phone again. Kelly and Jake then come in and notice Bud doing the same thing he did the last time Jake was there. He tries to defend himself again, saying that he's trying to scare off the cat that keeps calling them. He then gets up and offers the couch to Kelly and Jake, before suggesting that Jake head to one of the free clinics nearby after his stay. Kelly tells him that she won't need the couch as Al said she could bring boys up to her room. As they head upstaris, Jake is worried, saying that his eye still hasn't recovered from what happened last time, but she reassures him that Al is just a big teddybear. When
they reach the top, Kelly reminds Al about their agreement and Jakes asks if Al remembers him. Al now comes down the staircase with Jake in a chokehold again and when they reach the bottom, Al just points to the banister, and Jake slams his own head into it. He then points to the brick wall, which Jake then drags himself to and slams his head against again. Finally Al walks him over to the door, opens it, and tells him goodbye as he bends over so Al can throw him out the door again. As he looks out, he is happy that he just set a new record, which cause him to smile and give Bud a hand slap.
- Ed O'Neill as Al Bundy
- Katey Sagal as Peggy Bundy
- Amanda Bearse as Marcy Rhoades
- Christina Applegate as Kelly Bundy
- David Faustino as Bud Bundy
- Julie Gray as Brooke
- Charles Howerton as Brooke's father
- Ric Roman Waugh as Jake
- Ron Leavitt as Man in Elevator (uncredited)
- Michael G. Moye as Man in Elevator (uncredited)
- Emily Samuel as Young Kelly Bundy (uncredited)
- Stewart J. Zully as Sam
- Buck as Buck the dog
- Peggy: [sobbing after Kelly leaves the house] She's gone! Al, our baby's gone! Hold me!
- Al: I didn't hold you when we conceived her. Why should I start now?
- Peggy: [slides down and puts her head on Al's chest while sobbing] Oh Al!
- Al: [trying to comfort her] There, there, old one.
- Al: [walks over to Peg as she mashes a banana for Bud] Well, I didn't want to interrupt you while you were uhm,... emasculating our son, but Peg, I suspect that your mind, much like the lost continent of Atlantis, no longer appears on any map.
- Peggy: You know, Al, kids grow up so darn fast. Let's have another baby.
- Al : Gee Peg, there's just a couple of things I'd rather do first. I'd rather dive off the Sears tower head first into a thumbtack or I'd rather bait a crocodile with my manhood, which I believe is what got me into this mess. Oh wait a minute, but I forgot, you're as loony as a toon. So of course we can have another child. Oh look here come our baby now. [picks up a banana peel from the counter] Let's call him "Insane-O", the product of our love!
- The title of this episode is a reference to the 1982 blaxspotation film of the same name.
- It could be also used to note the fact for Al that one Bundy (Kelly) is out of the house, leaving two more (Bud and Peggy) for him to get rid of.
- This episode originally aired on Christina Applegate's 19th birthday.
- In this episode, Kelly specifically states that she is now 18 years old.
- MWC creators Ron Leavitt and Michael G. Moye appear in this episode as the two men who comment on Al's body odor after he leaves the elevator to get to Kelly's apartment.
- Kelly's goodbye would be "Au reviour" (French) and "Adios" (Spanish) if she had pronounced them correctly.
- Kelly's promiscuity has reached a level where she has been intimate with a set of brothers (Jake and his brothers Lester, Mongo and Larry.)
- Al reveals to Marcy and her boyfriend that he's been a shoe salesman for 20 years.
- Marcy mentions that Kelly's boyfriends occasionally sneak into her bedroom window by accident.
- Kelly mentions Nick-at-Nite, a nighttime channel that is part of the Nickelodeon channels that showcases classic TV programs, along with some original programs and a few shows from the children oriented Nickelodeon.
- Kelly suggest that she and Jake can play "Strip Nintendo".
- Al and Marcy mention Pez, a type of candy originally from Austria that is marketed worldwide. Pez is known for its unique dispensers that have the head of various characters on top.
- Al mentions the Sears Tower, a prominent skyscraper in Chicago, IL, that was founded by Sears, Roebuck and Co., the owners of the Sears department stores. It held the record for tallest building in the world from 1973 to 1998. It was bought out by the Willis Group in 2009 and renamed to the Willis Tower, although it is still commonly referred to as the Sears Tower.
- "The Oprah Show" is heard when Al watches TV with the topic being "Parents Who Just Don't Give A Damn, and Grew Old and Depressed Because Their Kids Left and Won't Talk To Them."
- Peggy sings "Hush Little Baby" when she hugs Bud (and later Al) after finding out that Kelly finally found an appointment.
- The song "Daddy's Little Girl" by The Mills Brothers is heard during a montage of Kelly at various ages trying to spell "Cat" and then is brought home later that night by a police officer.
- Bundy Residence
- Chicago apartment
- Bundy Living Room / Kitchen
- Apartment Elevator / Hallway
- Kelly's apartment
- Al claims that his first throwing of Jake out the door was just a few inches short of his record, which was 20 feet. It's very obviously that Jake just barely drops in front of Al when it is actually shown from outside.
- In Al's second attempt at throwing Jake out the door, Al boast that he set a new record after Jake lands. Yet when he threw him, you can clearly see Jake land with his foot just past the planter underneath the garage window, which is likely 3 to 4 feet from the front door.
- Near the end of the episode, after Jake beats himself up and Al escorts him to the door, he tells Al "So long, Al". Yet, neither Al, Kelly nor Bud actually told Jake what Al's first name actually was.
- Kelly specifically states that she is now 18 years old. As her birthday is listed as November 27, 1972, either this episode took place in late November (after its original airdate on November 25) or it was celebrated earlier, as it was stated in earlier episodes that she was born in either February (Peggy Turns 300) or May (Life's a Beach).
- One Down, Two to Go at the Internet Movie Database
- One Down, Two to Go on Bundyology
- One Down, Two to Go - Transcript on Springfield! Springfield!
- #91 One Down, Two to Go - MWC Podcast on Horrorphilia