Teacher Pets was the 21st episode of Season 6 of Married... with Children, also the 126th overall series episode. Directed by Gerry Cohen and written by Katherine Green, the episode first aired on the FOX network, premiering on April 5, 1992.
Synopsis[]
Bud tries to prove to others that his substitute teacher has a crush on him. Meanwhile, Peg is sick with the flu and Al crashes children's parties at Chuck E. Cheese to get free food.
Storyline[]
The sixth season's twenty-first episode has Bud trying to support his claim that his 40-year-old teacher is romanticly interested in him is greeted by laughter from everyone. But another student smells the smoke and wants the self-imagined studly Bud's fire for herself. Meanwhile, Peggy has a cold which prompts Al to keep his distance. Al crashes kids' birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese's in order to finagle some free pizza. Al at first thinks that Bud is being like Al in his youth by dating two women at once, but when Bud says one of these dates is over 40 and his teacher, Al starts getting serious. Ironically, Al is not concerned about Bud violating school rules, as well as the teacher possibly facing trouble with the law for fraternizing with a student, but rather that he thinks she is a gold digger, and decides to take action. Can Bud keep two girls satisfied or will he suffer from a humiliating Bundy defeat?
Recurring cast/Guest stars[]
- Cast Regulars
- Amanda Bearse as Marcy D'Arcy
- Ted McGinley as Jefferson D'Arcy
- Buck the Dog as Buck Bundy
Guest starring[]
- Linda Gibboney as Miss McGowen
- Ric Coy as Kid
- Charlotte Ross as Darlene
- Bert L. Cook as Ernie
- Lillian Adams as Mrs. A. Mariner
- Tim Hill as Man
Quotes[]
- [Peggy is coming downstairs with a box of tissue in hand just as Al and Kelly finished watching "Psycho Dad" on PBS]
- Peggy: [sniffling] Oh, I'm so sick... Ah.. Ah..
- [Al and Kelly quickly pull a clear plastic tarp over themselves before she finishes her sneeze]
- Peggy: AH-CHOO! [walks back to the staircase and sits down] Can someone get me some water?
- Al: You know where the kitchen is... or maybe you don't. [chuckles]
- Kelly: [sternly] Daddy, she is sick, she needs help. [stands up] Mom, the kitchen's over there somewhere.
- [Al and Kelly burst into laughter as she sits back down and pats Al's leg]
- Peggy: Alright, fine, be that way! But I hope you realize, the longer I stay sick, the longer it'll be before I do any housework around here!
- Al: [sarcastically] Oh, gee, Peg! But we can still have sex, can't we?! [bursts into laughter as he turns to Kelly, who is disgusted by the remark]
- [Bud, looking exhausted, stops by the living room couch to talk to Al, who is wrapping up a birthday gift and getting ready to go to Chuck E. Cheese]
- Bud: Dad, I've been seeing two women at once and it's wearing me out. I don't know how to juggle two women. Did you ever have this problem?
- Al: [confidently] You're talking to old "Number 33" here! Do you know how I got that number?
- Bud: 'Cause the most money you've ever had was 33 cents? [Al shakes his head while looking annoyed]
- Al: No! Because that's how many women deep the line was to ride the wild Bundy. [grinning] Back in those days, everybody wanted a piece! I had anyone to choose from!
- [Offscreen, Peggy is heard sneezing loudly and moaning in pain]
- Al: [bitterly] ...But we don't always choose what's best for us! And this two women juggling thing! Eventually, the problem is they both fall down on ya! So save yourself some pain and pick one!
- Bud: But what if I pick the wrong one?
- Al: Oh, you will! No matter who you pick, it'll be the wrong one! And not just because you're a Bundy either! Because you're a man!
- [Bud is lamenting after finding out that Mrs. McGowen ran off with a football player and Darlene has just dumped him, while the elderly replacement teacher, Mrs. Mariner, playfully pinched him on the cheek]
- Bud: [v.o.] and then again, there's always Chuck E. Cheese with Dad. Well, great thing about being at the bottom is you can't fall any lower.
- [Al suddenly appears at the classroom entrance and confronts Mrs. Mariner, believing that she was the teacher that Bud was dating]
- Al: [angrily, disgusted] You cradle robber! You... you... Cher!
- Bud: [v.o.] Maybe it can get worse. [surprised and then looks downward] Hey, look it can! [lifts up head again with a look of embarrassment] I just lost control of my bladder! [tucks his body in towards the desk to hide his shame]
- Al: I know what you want, Miss Gabor! You drive by and see that house and that Dodge and you say "Some people live like this, why can't I?" Well, you can't just take my son, [points towards Bud, as Mrs. Marine has a horrified look on her face] have your way sexually with him, and not expect some repercussions from a concerned parent! I played high school football, I know the score!
- [Al pauses, as he continues to look at Mrs. Mariner in disgust for several seconds before turning to Bud]
- Al: Son, are you really going out with this pruneface?!
- [Bud tries to hide his face, before Al refocuses on Mrs. Mariner]
- Al: What strange hold do you have over the boy?! How many happy homes have you broken in your thousand years?! Sure, I know my boy is almost a virgin! [points to Bud, who tries to hide his face again] But you can no longer take advantage! I have called the proper authorities!
- [Two uniformed Chicago P.D. officers enter the room and approach Mrs. Mariner]
- Al: [pointing to Mrs. Mariner] There she is! The strumpet with the blue hair! [the officers grab Mrs. Mariner by her arms] And I'll tell you something else. She lied about her age! The last time she saw 40 was 1840!
Notes[]
Title[]
- The title of this episode is a play on the idiom, "Teacher's Pet", which is defined as a student who is viewed to be the favorite of a teacher, usually for being obedient and/or kissing up to the teacher for extra favors.
Trivia[]
- The name of Bud's new teacher, Mrs. A. Mariner, is a play on the title of Samuel Coleridge Taylor's poem "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner".
- The name of the teacher, Dottie McGowen is possibly named after the hair stylist for the show, Dottie McQuown, though her last name is spelled differently.
- Charlotte Ross, who plays Bud's girlfriend Darlene, appeared alongside Katey Sagal as the daughter of her character in the 1991 TV movie She Says She's Innocent (aka Violation of Trust).
- She had also auditioned to for the role of Kelly Bundy, but lost out to Christina Applegate. Notably, she was the producers' second pick for the role.
- This episode was taped just three days after David Faustino's 18th birthday, which means that even though he was underage while rehearsing a scene in which Bud Bundy is seduced by his 40-year-old teacher (who, in real life, celebrated her 42nd birthday just one day after this episode was taped), David had reached legal age just in time for the producers to avoid any law enforcement matters.
- Bud tries to lead the family and D'Arcys in a variation of the Whoa Bundy!, but is ignored.
- Kelly calls up Reverend Fletcher, who was mentioned in previous episodes.
- MWC production staff member Bert L. Cook appears in this episode as Ernie, one of Bud's classmates who sits in the next row, behind the Asian girl in the pink sweater.
Cultural References[]
- Throughout the episode, the pizza restaurant chain, Chuck E. Cheese is mentioned.
- After the D'Arcys invited Bud out for dinner at Chuck-E-Cheese's Pizza out of pity, he asks them and his family, "What does it look like I am, the kid in 'Mask'?". This is a reference to the 1985 biographical film, Mask, which focused on the life of Rocky Dennis who suffered from craniodiaphyseal dysplasia, before dying in 1978 at the age of 16.
- After Mrs. McGowen kisses Bud, he smiles and says "Yabba Dabba Do!", which is the catchphrase said by Fred Flintstone from the cartoon series, The Flintstones.
- When Al accuses Mrs. A Mariner of sleeping with Bud, he says "You..Cher!" referring to the singer / actress who was known for dating actors and musicians who were several years younger than her following her divorce from Sonny Bono and Gregg Allman.
- When Al confronts Bud's teacher, he says "I know what you want, Miss Gabor!" in references to actress and socialite Zsa Zsa Gabor, who once claimed to having an affair with her stepson, Conrad Hilton Jr..
Music[]
- Peggy sings a variation of the Eddie Fisher song, "Oh! My Pa-Pa" called "Oh! My Mama".
Locations[]
- Bundy Residence
- Junior College Building
Sets[]
- Bundy Living Room / Kitchen
- English Classroom