The Dateless Amigo is the 19th episode of Season 3 of Married...With Children, despite being produced after The Computer Show. It is the 54th overall series episode. It originally aired on FOX on May 7, 1989. Directed by Gerry Cohen, the episode was written by Sara V. Finney and Vida Spears.
Al comes up with a new invention called Shoe Lights and uses Kelly as his guinea pig. Meanwhile, Bud, trying to prove to his friends that he can get a girl, uses a department store mannequin as his date.
Full episode summary
After his two best friends find dates for themselves, Bud, who is desperately seeking Susan (or any girl that will date him, as he constantly gets rejected every time he propositions a girl!), resorts to getting a life-size mannequin to pose as his date for the evening! Meanwhile, Al comes up with a seeming stroke of genius, a million-dollar invention for a shoe salesmen's convention that looks desperate, called "Bundy Shoe Lights"; he takes the headlights and battery out of the family car and straps them onto Kelly's shoes!
Recurring cast/Guest stars
- Stephen Dorff as Boz
- Giovanni Ribisi as Teddy (as Vonni Ribisi)
- Heather Hopper as Lisa
- Christy Taylor as Caroline (as Christy Johnson)
- Al: [to Bud and Peg] Now, I'm not going to tell you about it right now, but I'm going to go downstairs and I'm going to work on my invention! [he proceeds to enter the basement before taking a serious tumble down] WHOA!
- [Peg and Bud look at each other. After a moment of silence, Al wakes up]
- Al: [offscreen] Who am I? Where am I?... [disappointed] Oh, that's right, I'm Al Bundy... Ah, no! Damn!
- [Peg comes downstairs as the doorbell rings. She then opens the door with Steve and Marcy Rhoades standing there]
- Steve: Al said he had some great news and I've got a $70 bottle of champagne and a $10 bottle of wine. Are you moving away? [holds up the $70 champagne bottle]
- Peg: No.
- Steve: Alrighty. [hands the champagne bottle to Marcy and holds up the $10 wine bottle] Are you going on a very extended vacation?
- Peg: No.
- Steve: Alrighty. [hands the wine bottle to Marcy and then claps and rubs his hands] Well, if the news is good enough, I still have a Chiclet in my pocket we could divvy up.
- Marcy: Now Steve, Peggy may think we don't like them. [holds up both bottles with a gleeful smile] Is Al going to prison?
- Kelly: Bud, look at yourself. Face the ugly truth. They don't have woods deep enough to grow the kind of girls that would be willing to date you. I mean, maybe you're aiming too high. You know, a live girl. See, your problem is, you've got caviar taste, and a pizza face. Aim a little lower. Hey, logs can't run away! Well, then there's the dead. I mean, one who's been dead long enough might even think that you're a good catch! Hey, I know! How about a nice department store mannequin? I mean, they're used to being undressed by sexless boys. [grins]
- Bud: Thanks for the help, "Bleached Blanket Bimbo".
- Kelly: They may call me bimbo, but at least they call me.
- Al: Peg, I don't care what anybody says! [sits next to her on the couch] I'm holding onto my dream until the bitter end!
- Peg: Oh, now I really am depressed. I thought this was the bitter end.
- Al: Come on, babe, I'm going to make you a millionaire! Why, at this shoe convention tonight, I'm going to show the world who the real idiot is! Bundy Cheer.
- [Al extends his hand out to lead Peg and Bud in a "Whoa Bundy!". They both reach over, unenthusiastically and put their hands on top of Al]
- Al: WHOOOAAA BUNDY!
- [As Al raises their hand into the air to complete the cheer, Bud and Peg remain silent and quickly back off, leaving him disappointed]
- Al: [bitterly] Nobody "Whoa"'d!... That's OK. That's fine... [looking at Bud] But when those millions start rolling in, I'm going to be the one at Burger King, sucking down the Whoppers at my own private table! [pointing to Bud] You'll wished you "Whoa"'d then!
- The title is a reference to a line said by Boz, in regards to Bud being the only one of the "Three Amigos" without a date.
- Al has been the speaker who introduces the highest earning shoe salesman for seven years in a row due to him being the lowest earning shoe salesman. That means he has been the lowest wage earner among shoe salesmen at the convention since 1982.
- Bud reveal that Al had previously attempted to be a garbage man.
- Steve claims to have invented the "99 cents" coin due to frustration with items often costing "$ X.99", though Al points out that he didn't consider tax.
- Marcy implies that they have been audited for 5 years in a row after Steve brought his idea to the U.S. Treasury Department and insisted his face be on the coin.
- Steve once tried to eliminate the penny in the season 1 episode "Nightmare on Al's Street."
- Al tries to lead Bud and Peggy in a Whoa Bundy! but both don't seem interested.
- Heather Hopper, who plays Lisa, previously starred in Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which was the precursor to the long-running Saturday morning teen series Saved By The Bell and later appeared in the FOX-TV series, Beverly Hills 90210.
- This episode marks the final appearances of Bud's friend Teddy and the only appearance of his other friend, Boz and any reference to their group, The Three Amigos.
- In this episode, Kelly suggests that Bud date a mannequin as they are used to being undressed by sexless boys and then proceeds to use one as his date. In the Season 7 episode, "What I Did for Love", Bud is shown flirting with a mannequin before his parents catch him. Al then tries to teach him how to unhook the mannequin's bra before getting his finger trapped and runs around the store with it on his hand
- Fast food restaurant chain Burger King is mentioned when Al tells Bud and Peggy "I'm going to be the one at Burger King, sucking down the Whoopers at my own private booth!" when he starts earning millions on his invention.
- Steve offers to divide up a single piece of Chiclets, a brand of hard coated chewing gum, after Peggy tells them about Al's invention.
- Bud calls Kelly "Bleach Blanket Bimbo", in reference to the 1960s beach party film Beach Blanket Bingo.
- The bugle call, "Charge" is heard at the beginning of the episode as Al watches a western on the television.
- "Yes, I'm Ready" by Barbara Mason is heard when Bud greets his friends when they arrive with their dates and later when the girls and Bud and his date are dancing.
- Bundy Residence
- Shoe Convention / Chicago Streets
- Bundy Living Room / Kitchen
- A brief part of the studio floor can be seen in front of the coffee table, when Kelly first walks with the Shoe Lights on.
- Al tells Kelly to walk Steve and Marcy home in the dark, but the shoe lights are clearly off when she gets up and then exits with them. They are also off when she comes back home and Bud asks her for help finding a date.
- The Dateless Amigo at the Internet Movie Database
- The Dateless Amigo on Bundyology
- The Dateless Amigo - Transcript on Springfield! Springfield!
- #55 The Dateless Amigo - MWC Podcast on Horrorphilia